Monday, July 16, 2012

Make Her Cum

Women are strange and wonderful creatures.  I say this as a man who's been perplexed and fascinated by them for years and years.  I've been married to my wonderful wife for a long time now and still find new and unique things about her on a near daily basis.  

If you are a man who enjoys sex, you should also enjoy making a woman cum.  It's great to be macho and all that jazz, but a real man takes almost as much pleasure in making a woman cum as he does getting off himself.  At least that's how I feel.  And men should be concerned with getting a woman off.  A satisfied woman is a happy woman and someone who is more likely to engage in a repeat performance.  

But not all men are sure exactly what can unlock the magic combination to their partner's orgasm.  I'm not here pretending that I have all of the answers, but I wanted to share some tips and thoughts that have worked for me in the past.  So without further adieu, here we go.

1) Don't pretend like you know everything.  Ask her what turns her on, what feels good to her, what she enjoys.  Each woman is unique and the way she gets to an orgasm is unique as well.  Some women can only get off from clitoral stimulation, some have to be penetrated, some only can get off from oral sex, some need G-spot stimulation.  So don't pretend like you have all the answers when you go to bed with a woman.  More than likely the answers you have will be wrong and will leave you feeling sheepish at best and her unsatisfied more than likely.  

2) A real man eats pussy.  I know you've heard some guys talk about how they don't ever eat a woman out but they still satisfy a woman plenty.  I'll tell you that 99% of women love to receive oral sex.  I'm sure the figure is actually higher, but statistically speaking 99% seems like a fair number.  I know you've heard the familiar complaints by other men before, "it smells," "I can't breathe," "it takes too long," and others.  You know what, I'm sure women say the exact same thing about performing oral sex on men.  At least we don't have to worry about the gag reflex.  I've found each woman I've gone down on to have a different taste, but never have had anything like the "fish-y" taste that was described to me when I was younger.  Some women do taste better than others, but I've never had one taste bad.  So go ahead, go down, she'll be appreciative, I know it.

3) Use your hands!  Lots of women rely on nothing more than their fingers during masturbation and if it's good enough for them, why not you?  Fingering a woman can be an incredibly arousing thing for both of you, and help bring her closer to that orgasm you want to her to have.  Follow her lead, if she's comfortable enough have her masturbate to show you exactly what she likes.  If she's not ready for that listen to her cues as you explore her with your hand.  Some women like one finger, some more than one.  I've found through my experience that two-three fingers is ideal for most women and when inside of your partner, if you curl your fingers towards her pubic bone she will be very glad you did.  This will either stimulate or get very close to the G-spot for the woman, which can deliver immense amounts of pleasure. Also by using either your other hand or your thumb to stimulate her clitoris can help her experience dual points of pleasure, further driving her towards orgasm. It seems that fingering a girl is what most of us started with in the back seats of cars as teenagers, and it's still a tried and true method for the more experienced woman, and something you need to remember.

4) Make sure her clitoris is stimulated whatever you do. The clitoris is solely designed to generate pleasure within the woman, if guys had something like that we'd be making sure she knew about it and using it to get us off, right? There are so many nerve endings within the clitoris that the slightest of touches can send her into outer space and coupling that with other forms of stimulation can drive her wild. Just be careful with the clitoris though. With that many nerve endings it is incredibly sensitive and so you need to be delicate with it. Don't paw it or push on it, this will send your lover reeling, though from pain and not from pleasure. Be gentle little grasshopper and you will be rewarded with a shrieking, powerful orgasm from her.

5) Intercourse can help her achieve orgasm as well. Most women cannot achieve orgasm from intercourse alone, but lots of women enjoy intercourse and coupled with other forms of stimulation they can achieve a very powerful and satisfying orgasm. S enjoys when she cums when I am in her. I am lucky in that she can orgasm from intercourse alone, but hope isn't lost if your lady can't come from intercourse alone. There are tons of sex toys out there designed to be able to stimulate the clitoris even while you are penetrating your partner. Something we have used and have enjoyed very much is the We-Vibe II. It is a U-shaped toy that is designed to stimulate the clitoris and the G-spot while a man is penetrating a woman. The times we have used it have been nothing short of fantastic, though it is almost too much for S.

6)Don't be afraid of sex toys. Some men are afraid of sex toys or feel threatened by them. They can do so many things, but are they ever going to take out the trash? I think not. Watching a woman with a sex toy can be incredibly erotic, I love to watch S with different toys from our collection. And it's even hotter to help her by using the toy on her. Incorporate toy play into your bedroom routine and she'll be so much happier.

Again I'm not pretending to be some type of expert, I am not. I'm talking to you, one guy to another. Pretend we're at a bar throwing back a few beers and this will feel a lot more normal, right? You want your partner to feel good right? So go out there, take some of my advice and figure out what makes your lady tick. Once you do and you can get her off either regularly or more quickly than you do now she'll think you walk on water. And that is always a great feeling, isn't it?


  1. I have to say that sometimes it takes a lot of different forms to get me there. I can also say that clitoral stimulation alone can become irritating more than arousing, so don't be afraid to take a break from it and move to other parts of our body. I like him on my nipples biting and sucking there is like a direct shot to the clit and will send me reeling in a good way

  2. I agree wholeheartedly. Your second paragraph hits the nail on the head so perfectly that I feel like I need to stand up and applaud. I've always been concerned with the satisfaction of my lovers moreso than my own. I don't say this to make myself sound special or anything. It's just how I am. Yes, part of it is that I really want to make sure that my partner has an orgasm (or several, ideally), but part of it is that it turns me on to watch, hear, or even just know that she's had one.

    A friend of ours is in a relationship with someone who apparently hasn't been bothered to make her orgasm once in the several times they've gotten together. By our friend's count, she's made the guy cum at least once during each meeting. And she's conned herself into believing that this is the perfect relationship. The poor woman.

    Your six pointers are fantastic, perfectly-worded, and the sort of advice I will be quoting when someone hits me up for advice. Very well done.

  3. This is great, especially #1 -the more you know, the more you know you don't know..


  4. These are all great points, but I feel it's worth pointing out that not all women can come easily, or with a partner, or at all. I'm the latter, and some men can put too much pressure on me to cum, making me uncomfortable and both of us frustrated.

  5. You've left two things off your list: conversation and foreplay. My wife and I swing and she can tell you that our best playdates have been with men who take an interest in what she FEELS and THINKS about non-sexual and sexual topics. These men were more willing to spend the time needed to really please her, which brings me to my second topic.

    Foreplay should be a must. Even in group play, you can have some extended foreplay to heat up the night. I like to take the time to learn my partner(s) and make it memorable. I want them to come back for more.

    I also agree with Caramella, focusing on the orgasm may bring a pall to the playtime. Focusing on the total experience rather than the endgame may be sufficient and more fun.

    ~Blink Spunk
    Swinging – That's What S/He Said